“The road downhill is getting steeper, Phil. The United States Congress has turned tobacco over to the FDA. And they are showing their muscle already. Have you heard the latest bombshell?”

“You mean the new law prohibiting advertising to teenagers?”

“Yes. That one.”

“Come on, Morris. It doesn’t take effect until June 22 of 2010. And many states have similar prohibitions in their own laws. What’s the bombshell there?”

“June 22 is just around the corner, and I intend to be around when it comes.”

“So do I. But what’s so earthshaking about the new regulations?”

“They will be national, Phil. Nationwide. Covering the whole U.S. of A. No more sliding across state lines to do what you want with tobacco advertising.”

“Yes, yes, yes. But what’s different?”

“These aren’t guidelines or local rules, my friend. They have the full force of law.”

“And the FDA will be suiting up in tobacco patrol uniforms to probe every store and billboard in the country to pick up violators?”

“Maybe, but that won’t be necessary. There are enough people out there among the eight out of ten who don’t smoke to see all the violations and turn in the guilty parties.”

“You amaze me, Morris. First you’re proclaiming the brains and skill of the tobacco industry, and next you’re  saying they don’t have a chance against the FDA.”

“Exactly right. We’re just a business, brainy or otherwise. It’s power that counts, and the FDA has more power than all of us tobacco makers put together. Listen to these new restrictions. We won’t be able to sell cigarettes or smokeless tobacco to anyone younger than eighteen.”

“Nothing new about that. I’ve never been in a store that sells cigarettes that didn’t have that notice posted.”

“Yes, but it was by state law. And here’s one that hasn’t been enforced before. Packages of cigarettes with fewer than twenty cigarettes can no longer be sold after this takes effect.”

“And how is that going to keep kids from smoking?”

“Come on Phil, a few cigarettes in a nice package are way more attractive to a kid just starting out.”

“But not to adults like us? I like a small package myself because I don’t smoke very much.”

“You don’t smoke very much?”

“No. Maybe five a day, max. Most days two or three.”

Morris shook his head and tightened his lips. “I won’t say it,” he said. “I won’t tell you that you’re a grown-up idiot to be smoking at all.”

“That’s a relief. I wouldn’t want to hear you say such a thing because I’d be obliged to punch you in the nose.” Phil let his right arm fly out. Morris ducked before it reached him. 

“I’m sorry, buddy.” Phil offered Morris a friendly shoulder hug. “It’s just that I don’t like being called an idiot.”

“Nobody does. I won’t do that again. I promise.”

“Good. Now what else does the newly empowered FDA have to say about how we can promote our cigarettes?”

“No more free samples of cigarettes or smokeless tobacco. And, no sponsorship of any public event like a football game or a rock concert.”

“At least we know what’s expected of us. That sure beats guessing.”

“You’re sounding like PMA’s CEO.”

“For now, that’s a compliment.”

Source: FDA

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“There weren’t any laws about smoking before it became an industry. Isn’t that right?”

“Morris, where have you been for the past five centuries? Of course there have been laws about smoking. Remember Mongolia?”

“Can’t say I do, Phil.”

“The emperor of Mongolia banned smoking and promised the death penalty for punishment. That was back in 1617.”

“That’s awful. How can an emperor pass laws like that?”

“Because he’s the emperor.”

“We don’t have emperors in the U.S.A.”

“We don’t need them. Here. Let’s look it up.” Phil opened a thick reference book and paged through it. “Here it is,” he said. “Massachusetts—1632. First ban on smoking in public places.”

Morris looked over Phil’s shoulder. “New York City,” he said, pointing to another reference. Only it was called New Amsterdam back then. They banned cigarettes from the area that was soon called New York City.”

“We’re beginning to sound like a couple of textbooks. What do you really want to know?”

“I have a thesis.”

“A what?”

“A thesis. You know. An idea that I’d like to prove.”

“Ideas are dangerous. Especially in your head. Okay. What’s your thesis?”

“My thesis is that the rise of communication drives the urge to deceive.”

“What? That makes absolutely no sense. Explain yourself.”

“I want to prove that the ability of tobacco companies to communicate corresponds with their plans to deceive the public on the dangers of smoking.”

“That makes even less sense. That’s like saying that words cause lying.”

“Well, they do. If we didn’t have so many words, we wouldn’t have as many ways to befuddle the public. Smoking depends on communication. That’s my thesis. I’d call it the first law of smoking.”

“Morris, have you taken leave of your senses?”

“Not at all. I’m making sense of the senseless.”

“I’d feel better if I thought you knew the difference.”

 Source: Summary of smoking laws in the U.S. by sadireland.com/smoking1.htm

Phil opened the door a crack and waved his hand “Go away,” he whispered.

“You’ve got to hear this, Phil! You’ve got to.”

“Shhh! I’m having a meeting. Go away. Come back at one-thirty, okay?” Morris heaved a sigh and headed for his office. “You’ll be sorry you waited.”

At exactly one-thirty, Morris pounded on Phil’s door. “Come in,” Phil growled from inside.

“Phil, Phil, Phil. You’ve got to see this.” Morris pulled a small paper envelope out of his pocket and loaded the contents on Phil’s desk.

“You’re bringing me candy? Gee, that’s nice of you, Morris.”

“This is not candy.” Morris spoke in a monotone staccato like a robot alien. “This is NOT candy. This is nicotine disguised as candy. This is another plot to hook kids on tobacco.”

“Wait a minute, my friend. This is not a PM-USA product.”

“I didn’t say it was.”

“How did you get a hold of this?” Phil picked up one of the flavored candies and turned it over.

“I got a sample from a friend who works for R J Reynolds.”

“You didn’t! It’s not even on the market yet!”

Morris raised his chin. “I have a friend who works for R. J. Reynolds, and when I found out he was coming through Richmond I begged him to bring me a sample, so he did.”

“I wonder what the FDA’s brand-new Center for Tobacco Products is going to do about this.”

“They’re steaming mad, that’s what.”

“Then the FDA must be upset, too. Are they going to ban it?”

“Too early to know for sure. There are only two companies making them—the outfit called Star Scientific right here in Virginia, and R. J. Reynolds.”

“Well, I’ll be smoked.”

“Me, too. Actually, Star Scientific has been making tobacco candy in three flavors for about nine years. What’s interesting is that all of a sudden R. J. Reynolds is doing heavy market research to see if they can make a fortune selling these little gems to kids and getting them hooked on nicotine.”

“They can’t do that, Morris. It’s illegal to sell tobacco of any kind to kids.” “I know, and Star is in trouble with the FDA. But they say these candies are only for adults and have all the warnings that regular cigarettes do. You know how fast kids are at getting around rules.”

“So what’s the news? Is R. J. going to copy what Star has been doing?” “Not on your life. They have a whole new system. They’re test-marketing flavored tablets that last about fifteen minutes and flavored strips the size of toothpicks that last about five minutes. Except for fatter versions they call ‘sticks” that last fifteen or twenty minutes.”

“What’s the marketing name?” “Camels, of course. What would you expect from R. J. Reynolds? They’re called Camel Sticks, Camel Orbs, and Camel Strips.”

“When are you going to talk about this marvelous marketing opportunity to your boss?”

“Phil! Don’t be absurd! I think this is the worst of the worst. This isn’t just nicotine. It’s tobacco. And it’s candy. Candy that makes nicotine addicts. Flavored and powdered and dissolves in your mouth. It’s as much a farce as our claims back in the ‘50’s that tobacco had no bad effects.”

“Well, well. What are you going to do about it, now that you’ve become a champion enemy of tobacco?

“I’m thinking. I’m thinking.”

“I don’t want to watch that. See you tomorrow.”

Source: FindLaw at http://news.findlaw.com/ap/f/1310/02-04-2010/20100204143505_49.html

“Smoking is up everywhere.”

“Up where?” Phil tilted his head toward the ceiling while Morris squirmed on a leather chair in the executive office.

Morris stopped moving around and gritted his teeth. “We caught on that smoking is bad and quit smoking.”

“And that’s bad?”

“That wasn’t enough. Now we hop all around the world talking other people into smoking.”

“And that’s bad?”

“Phil, you just don’t get it, do you? Yes, it’s bad, bad, bad. There’s nothing good about taking this poison and passing it off as some kind of a magic ticket and selling it around the world.”

“This sounds like a campaign speech. I’ll bet some numbers are about to surface.”

“Or some facts.”

“That would be nice.”

“Phil, more people are smoking more cigarettes than ever before. More than fifteen billion cigarettes a day!”

“I didn’t know that. But I did know that Americans are smoking less than ever and that our cigarette sales are down, down, down.”

“Yeah, but what if women woke up one morning and decided they wanted to smoke? Or what if somebody like us really got going with tobacco markets in China or India or Europe? In China they already smoke one and a half billion cigarettes every day.”

“But that’s only about cigarette per day per person. Maybe we should sell more cigarettes there. But you keep forgetting. You and I don’t belong to a global company any more. We’re part of PM-USA, and that’s all.”

“Phil, whatever name it is, I don’t want us selling cigarettes around the world! I hate nicotine and all its friends. It’s too deadly. All we can sell it for is the experience.”

“Even dying is an experience.”

Morris disappeared out the door.

http://www.who.int/tobacco/en/atlas8.pdf

Morris carried a silver tray with two porcelain coffee mugs and a silver pitcher to Phil’s office door, which was slightly ajar. His back to the door, he pushed it open and with a flourish placed the tray on Phil’s polished desktop.  

“Coffee time!” he announced.

Phil showed a generous smile when he tipped the pitcher and smelled his favorite brew.“What’s the celebration?”

“Nothing, really. I just wanted to share some interesting news and to tell you I’m not sore because you are using a nicotine inhaler.”

No hard feelings, Morris.”

The two men helped themselves to a cup of coffee each and began a drawn-out tasting process.

Phil poured himself another cup. “Outstanding,” he said. “Now what’s the news?”

“You know all about the new tobacco law passed last June, don’t you?”

“Morris, there are dozens of laws passed every month related to tobacco. What law are you talking about?”

“The one that’s called the Family Smoking Prevention and Tobacco Control Act.”

“It passed Congress last June.”

“Sure did. It’s a big one, Phil.”

“That it is. I’m glad I’m not the president of a tobacco company these days.”

“Cigarette sales are falling like a rock, people everywhere are quitting smoking. We can’t advertise to kids, and they’re our best market.”

“We could use a camel right now.”

“We can’t use cartoons. Heck, Phil, we can’t even advertise directly any more.”

“I guess so. We’ve had a good run.” Morris blew the air out of his lungs. “I’ll be smoked.”

Actual text of the new FDA legislation: http://frwebgate.access.gpo.gov/cgi-bin/getdoc.cgi?dbname=111_cong_bills&docid=f:h1256enr.txt.pdf

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“Hey, Phil, wouldn’t it have been great to be around when smoking was healthy?”

“Healthy? It’s never been healthy. Where are you coming from?”

Morris jumped on an office chair and began singing “Winstons taste good, like a cigarette should. Winstons give you real flavor, smooth fine, tobacco flavor. Winstons taste good, like a (clap-clap) cigarette should.”

“That’s not our commercial.”

“Neither is this one.” Morris moved his legs in a charade of walking. “ ‘I’d walk a mile for a mild, mild Camel. They’re so mild they suit your TLT.’ ”

“Your ‘TLT?’ ”

“Your tongue, your lungs, your throat. Don’t you remember, Phil?”

“I wasn’t born yet, and neither were you.”

“Grandpa Chester was, and he used to chant those commercials when I was a kid.”

“I have to believe you, but singing commercials is not your talent, Morris. Get down off that chair, sit down, and tell me what you want to say.”

Morris slid down the back of the chair to a sitting position. “Other tobacco companies came up with commercials that said things like ‘One out of three doctors who smoke, choose Charlestons.’ I don’t know if my numbers are right, but that was the idea. ‘Lucky Strike means fine tobacco.’ Then we came along with the greatest advertising campaign in the history of commerce—”

“—The Marlboro man. I want to talk about him later. First I want you to tell me when and how tobacco was ever considered to be a health product.”

“Well, it is said—”

“—You can’t trust anything an ‘it’ says.”

“Historians say…that Sir Walter Raleigh took tobacco back from America and told people at home back in England that it would cure dyspepsia.”

“And?”

“And American Indians told explorers it would cure syphilis.”

“Anything else?”

“Have you ever heard of Eton College?”

“Sure. It’s an exclusive prep school in England.”

“In the 1600s they gave smoking lessons to Eton scholars. That’s how important it was.”

“Hmmm.”

Source: http://www.cigarettespedia.com/index.php/THE_HISTORY_AND_ANTIQUITY_OF_THE_TOBACCO_HABIT

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I told you we’d talk more about being labeled an unethical company. Are you ready, Phil?”

“Sure, Morris. Give it to me straight.”

“Have you heard of a company named Covalence?”

“Not since college chemistry.”

“Come on. You were studying atoms, not businesses. Covalence is a well respected research company based in Switzerland. Every year they publish a list of global companies ranking them by their ethics.”

“Yes, I’ve heard of them. And I’ve always wondered how they they determine that. I don’t even know if you’re ethical, and I’ve known you for years.”

“They spend a lot of effort studying the ethics of multinational companies. They have forty-five criteria and they spend seven years studying everything from news reports to the company’s hiring practices and policies.

“So what’s the bad news?”

“It’s really bad, Phil. Our tobacco company was ranked the fifth least ethical multinational company in the world.”

“But we’re not a multinational company. We spun off from world operations, and now we’re PM-USA.”

“But in the eye of the public, we are Philip Morris. And we certainly are not the best loved company even in the U.S.”

“I’ll grant you that. But what made the researchers decide we were so lacking in business ethics? They don’t even know you.”

“They don’t know you, either. What tipped the scale was our latest campaign to keep the U.S. government from taking billions of dollars from us as punishment for hiding the bad effects of cigarettes from the public.”

“Hey, that’s not fair. Four tobacco companies, not just ours, are involved in that campaign. Why aren’t they rated as least ethical, too?”

“Well, they have a lot more on us than that. They combed through our personnel records, our marketing policies, and all of our financial statements. They nailed us for false advertising, for trying to ditch government regulations, and for many deceptive practices.”

Phil extended his hand. “Congratulations for belonging to a seamy organization,” he said.

“Et tu.” 

http://www.nytimes.com/aponline/2010/01/17/business/AP-US-Tobacco-Case.html?_r=1&scp=2&sq=philip%20morris&st=cse

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2010/01/28/the-least-ethical-compani_n_440073.html?&&&&&&&&&slidenumber=5FfrlBGYJYU%3D&&#slide_image

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“Morris,” Phil said, “do you remember how upset we were by the Marlboro counterfeiters exploiting the brand all over the place?”

“Sure do. Even those made on Indian reservations.”

“Especially those made on Indian reservations. Now we’ve filed a lawsuit against a company called G. J. Smokes on an Indian reservation in Mastic, New York.”

“Is it going to cost the tribe a lot of money?”

“Probably. But they’ll feel more pain when we take all twenty smoke shops on the reservation to court.”

“Why did we take that on?” Morris asked. “Since they’re breaking the law, shouldn’t the state’s law enforcement agencies be the ones to confront the smoke shops?”

“When it comes to stealing our brand, violating our trademark, and collecting tax-free revenues, we’ll step in whenever we have to.”

“I don’t understand how they make counterfeit cigarettes in the first place.”

“China is the main place where this happens, and it’s easy to hide in such a big country. They grow their own tobacco, from seed bought or stolen from American and other sources. Then they set up shops to make the cigarettes in underground tunnels and basements. Nobody can see them from the street.”

“Like everything else Chinese, they probably do a meticulous job of it.”

“They manufacture fake cigarettes for about sixty countries, right down to the colors, the words and art, tax stamps and the health warning required for each country. They’re good.”

“And wealthy.”

“You’re right there. Last I heard they make about eighty dollars for every pack of cigarettes they sell.”

“Eighty dollars?”

“No, wait. That’s up to eighty dollars for one cigarette.”

“I don’t believe it.”

“Neither do I, but that’s what I’ve heard.” 

Source: Te-Ping Ching, writing for Slate at http://www.slate.com/id/2221438/pagenum/all/

http://www.csnews.com/csn/search/article_display.jsp?vnu_content_id=1004061694

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“I want to talk about one thing and only one thing, and I want to talk to you because it matters a great deal to you as well as to me.”

“Gee, Morris. You sound so sincere. Come on in and sit down.”

“Thanks.” Morris looked around the office to see if someone was listening in. “Phil, you have got to stop using nicotine.”

“I like a man who says what he thinks. In what way is my inhaling of nicotine fumes troubling you, my man?”

Nicotine is being studied like never before,” Morris said, “and you should listen to the scientists and stay away from it.”

“What are the scientists saying?”

“That nicotine is highly addictive.”

“We’ve known that for years.”

“Are you willing to trade cancer-producing cigarettes for habit-forming nicotine?”

Phil thought for a minute. “Why yes, I am,” he said. “If its only fault is that it’s habit forming, why not use it if it works?” He looked closely at Morris. “Don’t tell me scientists are trying to link nicotine with cancer.”

“I won’t tell you that, and I don’t think they have a lot of evidence along those lines. But they are finding problems with people using nicotine and more problems when they try to quit using.”

Phil yawned. “You make it sound so deadly dull,” he said. “I’d rather be taking a nap.”

“Phil, nicotine isn’t good for you. One drop of purified nicotine on your tongue, and you’re dead in minutes. It’s used everywhere to kill bugs on plants. It goes straight to your brain, to the parts of your brain that give you a sensation of pleasure.”

“Where are you getting all this?”

“From the great repository of all information past and present, the Wonderful Worldwide Web.” 

“And I suppose you also found that people who use nicotine to break the cigarette habit die within five years or that their skin turns a sickening purple-green color.”

“No, but it’s not good for you, Phil.”

Sources:

http://teens.drugabuse.gov/mom/mom_nic1.php
http://www.nlm.nih.gov/medlineplus/ency/article/000953.htm
http://www.quitguide.com/nicotine-withdrawal.html
http://quitsmoking.about.com/cs/cravingsandurges/a/withdrawal.htm

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